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Supper of Champions, Goodbye Blue Friday

 Friday night, and I’m in a grunge/FLCL kind of mood . I want to get drunk, so I head out to Walmart to buy some booze. I don’t have a car and it’s a long walk down College Ave, but I’m trying to lose weight, so it’s good exercise. I’m listening to FLCL OST 3 the whole walk. The sidewalk’s poorly lit, like always. When I finally get there, I decide I don’t want beer, because again, I’m trying to lose weight. Instead, I go for a bottle of Jack, because I know you can drink that straight without much resistance from your tongue. I have no shot glasses, so I buy a 4 pack of those too. I walk up to the register with only these two items. The cashier doesn’t seem disappointed or sorry for me, though, in fact she smiles at me and says she’s using Jack to take care of her cold. Socorro’s small, everyone’s catching it. I begin the walk back.
Let me tell ya, when you’re walking home with groceries in hand down a sparsely lit sidewalk, you feel pretty freakin’ anime. When I do these runs, I always think I should have a leek in my bag. Tonight, it’s just whiskey and shot glasses. So while I’m walking back on College, with a car going by every 30 seconds or so, I decide I want to be bad. I want to really live. I’m tired of being such a hug nerd who plays it safe and stays in his room all the time. I decide I’m just gonna open the bottle and drink it right on the sidewalk. Yeah, I realize this isn’t the crime of the century or anything, but it still makes me feel like a bad-ass. I wait for the street to be clear, unwrapping the cap with the bottle still in the bag. Can they tell I’m about to do something illegal? They probably don’t care. Finally, when no one’s around, I open the bottle and hold it to my face. I hesitate for a second, but my mind’s made up. I take a sip. It feels good. As the chorus of “Beautiful Morning With You” starts, I can feel the warmth of the alcohol go down my throat and into my stomach. I can feel myself changing a little bit as a person. I had a couple more sips before I got back to my dorm, then proceeded to drink half the bottle, order a medium pizza, and consume the whole thing. So much for losing weight.

This article was made SFW by the Paydirt Editor-in-Chief. To see the NSFW version, go to:

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